I couldn't even bring myself to post a picture
For at least the past two years I have had the habit of creating what I like to call the “oh my god” smoothie. Its name comes from the phrase that usually escapes my lips when I taste what I have created. This is a drink that I make with my Breville IKON blender that I consume after long bike rides or awesome workout sessions. It has two basic ingredients: leaf spinach and beets (which are, sadly, usually canned).
Never one to limit myself to what others might call reasonable smoothie construction, I often add little flourishes to the “oh my god” smoothie. Today, after biking out to the hills south of San Jose and back again, I built one of these drinks. Here is what happened:
1. Powdered green tea (matcha) along with some chai-style ayurvedic tea masala, a cup of raw walnuts, a stick of cinnamon, a teaspoon of ground nutmeg, and a half teaspoon of Celtic sea salt.
2. 6 ounces of tofu, one and a half teaspoons of cayenne pepper, a tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce, 15 ounce can of beets.
3. Around/about two and a half cups of spinach.
4. Puree.
Folks, I’ve eaten some VERY strange things in my life (especially before I dropped meat from my diet) but this is beyond a doubt the strangest “oh my god” smoothie and definitely the strangest thing that has ever passed between my gums. I’m working on the last two cups of it right now. It’s light brown, tan really, and it has little flecks of green and purple and white and yellow (not sure where that came from) and red. If there was a monster that only devoured Christmas lights and Van Goghs, this drink would be its…excrement.
On the plus side, the cayenne pepper usually burns my taste buds dead pretty quickly, thus sparing me having to experience the rest of the drink. It’s going to take me a few more minutes to get this all down. I’ll be lucky if I survive the night.
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